My heart broke today. It's been cracked for a while, but today I felt it break.
My husband and I have been in the midst of a long and difficult transition. Two years ago, the Lord called us to a new work in a new place. As we left behind our home, our Bed and Breakfast, our ministry and our friends, my heart cracked a little.
We had raised our family in that home and it's walls were full of precious memories. We had also designed and built a Bed and Breakfast Cottage with accompanying gardens, as a place for weary souls to come and be refreshed. SInce the gardens were such an important part of the design, we settled on the name "Le Jardin" - which means "The Garden" in French.
Our heart's desire was to find someone to buy both our home and our Bed and Breakfast who would love it as much as we did. Someone who would appreciate and continue to share its beauty.
"Le Jardin" sold last week after two long years on the market. I wasn't prepared for the waves of grief that began washing over me at the finality of it all. My heart cracked a little more. The waves of grief made more difficult by things I never foresaw coming.
On the VERY day we closed the sale, I received an email from a woman and her husband who were very interested in acquiring "Le Jardin" to operate once again as a Bed and Breakfast. They wanted to be able to provode a place of rest and beauty to others, as well as to themselves. She has inoperable cancer. As she shared her heart and vision, I longed to be able to undo the sale and turn "Le Jardin" over to her and her husband. My heart cracked a little more.
One of the things which made Le Jardin so beautiful were the surrounding gardens; a special labor of love from my husband. He had created such a place of beauty it took my breath away each time I looked upon it.
So learning yesterday that the new owners have completely destroyed the beauty that we spent years building feels like such a violation of our hearts. In one day they've torn down the picket fence, the garden pergola, pulled out all of my husband's beautiful rose gardens, cut down decades-old magnolias, crepe myrtles, and camellias (including my favorite "Pink Perfection" tree. Well, it's all too much - and today my heart broke.
So I am doing the only thing I know to do. I am offering My Father my broken heart. I will let Him hold both it and me and I will listen as he whispers to me the lessons He is teaching me through grief.
But I will also be watching for His redemptive hand in the process. Because I know it's there. It always is.
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